Find your Joy: Not a Review of Movies with Mikey

Find Your Joy: Not a Review of Movies with Mikey

Amélie (2001) - Movies with Mikey

Go watch it. I'll wait here. Or go watch any of his videos. You'll enjoy them.

What Amélie means to me?

Amélie is a waitress in Paris who sees the world in a unique and beautiful way. I have loved Amélie for years. It introduced me to Michael Sowa's artwork. It's a beautiful, quirky, dreamlike world. I wanted some of that dream for my life.

What Movies with Mikey means to me?

Movies with Mikey is a celebration and analysis of film. I started watching Mikey Neuman's show when I came across his episodes on Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles and Demolition Man (two favorite films of mine when I was kid). His celebrations of film and the meaning he finds in the films are inspiring to me.

His show is a good influence. I have a habit of dissecting movies to their constituent parts in my brain. His show reminds me to enjoy the experience of an entertaining story.

What matters to me?

I don't always feel joy. I've dealt with emotional numbness. It's an impossible thing for me to explain to the people around me. The experience of not being sad, not being anything hurts in a visceral and terrible way. But on the other side of that numbness, there is joy but it's obscured by a vacancy.

I'm going to get back to work making my joy.

How? I write. It's what I do when my fingers are not otherwise occupied. It's a habit, a release, a way of processing the world, a communication, a pleasure. I draw with varying levels of success but constant satisfaction. I document my efforts on instagram.

My small joys? Finding a treasure, a great "bad" movie, music synchronizing to my life, being the passenger in a car during a deluge.

Artistic License: Gonzo Doodle Video

Artistic License: Gonzo Doodle Video

I made a video. It's not my first, first video. But it's my first video recording my drawing, on my iPod touch and editing with my Adobe Premiere Pro. So it's my first video.

I recorded myself drawing Gonzo for a daily doodle and learned several things. Most importantly, I learned it would have been so much damn easier with a stand for the camera.

What happens every time I do something. I sit back and look at it and go, I could have done better (Yes, it's a stressful way to approach the world.) I'm brainstorming ways to do better on my next try.

I've spent a little over a month with my current mission to educate myself as an artist. I'm constantly learning. I'm constantly seeing things I want to try. I think this is the right way to be. Just trying new things. My neurotic way, my excited way of approaching my growth as an artist.

Artistic License: Drawing myself as monsters

Sometimes I feel like a madwoman, the rest of the time I just feel anxious

I don't know if it's me and that's the difficulty of anxious feelings. I don't know if it's me and it's not always me. Sometimes the thing I'm worrying about and being paranoid about is completely real.

I try really hard at everything I do. I always want to do the right thing. That's it. No ulterior motive here. I'm just trying to do the right things. Trying to do the right thing isn't always enough.

Figuring out a way to express the way I feel with a single image can be deeply therapeutic because I have to conceptualize the way I feel into a visual representation. As someone who has a significant history with emotional numbing and disassociation, it's hard for me to directly confront my own emotions. But when I face the emotions by drawing my bad feelings as the internal monsters they are, I feel better.

I felt so sick today. It left me feeling like a #psycho. #DailyDoodle2017 #DailyDoodle

A post shared by Kit (@surrealkit) on May 25, 2017 at 5:36pm PDT